Sunday, April 24, 2005

Count my blessings....

Last week I got a call from my ex-husband. The divorce is almost final even though we have been "seperated" for three years. He called to tell me that he may be getting a really big promotion at work. I said "good for you, I hope you get it" it was very dry and not very heartfelt. I then said "all the good shit happens for you" then I told him I had to go cause I was late for work. He said"Dee you have good things happen to you. You do a great job HOLDING IT DOWN. You take good care of the boys." It just didn't mean much coming from him.

All the way to work I cried....I cried hard....shit i'm starting to cry as I type this...let me go get tissue....hold on....................I cried because I was not happy for him. I know I was wrong and felt REALLY bad! I felt bad because of the way I was feeling......I don't wish him any bad luck but dam....He keeps having "good luck"!! That hurts...Really hurts. He fucked up our marriage and now he keeps having good shit happen! It just doesn't seem fair. I struggle to do the day to day shit. He lives in Italy. I seem to always have to worry about MONEY. I never hear him complain about money. When he comes to visit the boys he takes them out and buys them shit that I can not compete with. When the teenager calls him and asks for something....just like that he deposits the money into my account and I give it to him. That makes me sad because I can't always give the boys what they "want" I can only supply their NEEDS! I can come up with an occaisional WANT, but I simply provide the basics...money for school everyday, clothes,food ,shelter,cable,utilities.....you all get my point.

Well by the tuime I got to work I looked like SHIT! I share a tiny lil office with boss lady so I couldn't avoid her. She immediately knew something was wrong and she asked me "Dee what's the matter? Is it the boys?" I told her that I felt bad that he is having all this good luck. I felt bad for not being happy for him and her only reply was "Dee I consider myself a good Christian woman but i'm mad at him for doing the things he did/does to you. I know i'm wrong but that's the way I feel. You have the right to feel the way you do. You are still hurt,still grieving and that's o.k." So I dried my tears and e-mailed him and apologized for the dry response and moved on with my day.

Later that night I was talking to a good girlfriend and I told her the story. She just listened while I went on and on about my struggles with money and raising the boys. She let me go on and on and then she said this:
"Dee you are blessed! Not with all the material things you think you need! You have 2 great kids who love you and are really GOOD kids. You have a great job with a boss who loves you. The people you work with like you and respect you as a nurse and their supervisor. You have good friends. You are always the life of the party. Even people I introduce you to often ask "where is Dee? Are you bringing Dee" Everybody likes you. You have a great personality and are sooo much fun to be around. You have so much going for you in your life but you don't realize it!!!STOP SEEKING THE MATERIAL AND THANK GOD FOR ALL YOUR BLESSINGS YOU HAVE RIGHT NOW!!! BECAUSE HE COULD TAKE IT ALL AWAY IN AN INSTANT.....
Yeah your husband may think he's on top of the world right now but you don't know God's REAL plan for him!!! He can brag about all his shit but HE DOESN'T HAVE YOU AND HE IS MISSING OUT ON THE BOYS DAY TO DAY GROWTH!!! YOU ARE BLESSED WITH THEIR PRESENCE EVERY SINGLE DAY!"

WOW! THE THINGS SHE SAID HIT ME LIKE A TON OF BRICKS!

I'M O.K AND I WILL BE JUST FINE!!
That's what a good friend is needed for. To make you realize things about yourself. To make you appreciate what you DO have instead of what you wish you had. She really made me remember to count my blessings!!!!!!!

18 Comments:

Blogger coley said...

Hey gurl... Sending you a hug, I'm sorry for your heart ache! It's completely understandable that you don't feel happy when he's rubbing it in about how great life is. Don't trip off of him and continue to take care of yourself and your boys! And remember the golden rule....WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND! He'll get his one day.

12:17 PM  
Blogger YouToldHarpoTaBeatMe said...

Sistah Gurl, I definitely feel you on this. You don't want to hear about someone who has wronged you advancing at anything....but stages of Herpes.

****BAD TIKI****

Your girl was right, tho. You have a great job and a great boss, and not too many people can say that in the same sentence. You are raising 2 young boys to men, who'll go on to do great things, and that is all credited to you, from God.

Give your girl a hug when you get a chance, because she helped remind you of the good you've done.

As far as your ex? Things aren't as peachy as you think. Trust.

1:00 PM  
Blogger Jazz said...

READING YOUR POST MADE ME WISH SOME BAD SHIT ON HIM. I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT HURT. JUST KNOW THAT GOD WON'T DISH NOTHING ON YOU, YOUR HEART CAN'T BARE. IT WILL GET BETTER...I PROMISE.

LOL AR UTOLDHARPO2BEAT ME....HE DESERVES IT.

LET ME TELL YOU THIS....WHEN MY MOM LEFT MY DAD (ALCOHOLIC, PHYSICALLY AND VERBALLY ABUSIVE)...WE HAD NOTHING. WE LEFT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, WITH NOTHING BUT THE PJS ON OUR BACKS, AFTER ONE OF THEIR HUGE FIGHTS. I SAW THE FIRE IN MY MOMS EYES...I'LL NEVER FORGET. SHE SAID THAT SHE KNEW THAT IF SHE HADN'T LEFT THAT NIGHT....ONE OF THEM WOULD DIE. WE STRUGGLED FINANCIALLY. MY MOM WORKED 3 JOBS, PUT US TRHOUGH COLLEGE AND WORKED HERSELF INTO AN EARLY GRAVE, BUSTING HER ASS...FOR US. WE USED TO LOOK AT MY DAD AS THE HERO....UNTIL WE SAW HOW MUCH OUR MOM SACRAFICED AND STRUGGLED FOR US. SHE WAS THERE FOR THE HEARTBREAKS, THE BOOBOOS, THE AWARDS, BAND COMPETITIONS, DISAPPOINTMENTS, ETC. MY DAD, THROUGH LYING AND NEVER BEING THERE FOR US...ONLY TO SELL US HOOP DREAMS, FELL OFF THE PEDISTAL AND WAS QUICKLY REPLACED BY THE SAINTED MOTHER. THE ONE THAT COULD MYSTERIOUSLY MAKE A DOLLAR OUT OF 15 CENTS....ABLE TO MAKE MEALS FROM WINN DIXIE BRAND NAME PRODUCTS TASTE LIKE 5 STAR RESTAURANT CUISINE....WHILE HELPING US WITH TERM PAPERS...ACTING AS PTA PREZ....BAND BOOSTER PREZ....AND PLAY MAMA & ADVISOR TO EVERYONE AT OUR SCHOOL AND NEIGHBORHOOD. EVER NOTICE THAT THERE ARE SO MANY SONGS OUT THERE TO CELEBRATE MAMA....YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE GOD MADE YOU AND MAMAS ALIKE....AMAZINGLY FLAWLESS AND BEAUTIFUL IN THE EYES OF THEIR CHILDREN.

TAKE IT FROM ME...MY MOM DID NO WRONG....EXCEPT HOOK UP WITH MY DAD.

STAY STRONG!!!

7:10 PM  
Blogger Jazz said...

ouch, sorry about the long ass post.

7:10 PM  
Blogger Kayla said...

Tiki took the words right out of my mouth..I think you should give your friend a hug because she definitely was on point with that one. You seem to be a cool ass chick to me, and from reading your posts, I know you're a great mom. Your good luck is being able to spend every moment with your sons, be it they fall and get a scar, meeting their first girlfriend, learning to drive, their first dance, or their first date. That is what counts. You get to BE there, all he can do is send money. I guarantee when they will remember that before they think about how much money he sent them. That is what really counts. He wants you to think everything is "Well" in his world, but we all know he's the one that's being cheated.

10:11 PM  
Blogger Hypothetically Speaking said...

Good friends are such a blessing. Sometimes it is really hard to see the good things in your life and every now and then I feel the way you do towards my daugthers dad. But really, I've realised that that energy I expend being mad at him for stuff could be directed at the positive things I have going on in my life.

3:58 AM  
Blogger Slim said...

I agree with hypothetically speaking. What she said! Friends are a great blessing.

I also agree with youtoldharpotabeatme "Things aren't as peachy as you think."

Just keep your trust in GOD!

7:35 AM  
Blogger Dee said...

thanks sooo much guys...I will say this....even though I don't know you, your kind words help.....I sure appreciate all this "free" therapy.....LMAO

7:46 AM  
Blogger Brandi said...

Sending (((HUGS))) your way! You are truely blessed. Just having healthy kids and a roof over your head is a blessing it itself. Keep your head up sweetie :) He will get his :)

8:23 AM  
Blogger Justine said...

I am mad at you for thinking that you were anything less then him. Girl, his day is coming. I'm a strong believer what goes around comes around just forget about him. You stop your blessing when you harbor hurt and pain. Let it go move forward never look back. If I was you everytime he calls Kill Him with Kindness. Its the best advice I've ever recieved.

9:48 AM  
Blogger Nikki said...

Don't let him bring your spirit down. Dee, you are blessed abundantly. Hey, you made it to see another day in your right mind and if that ain't a blessing (in addition to the blessings that have already been bestowed upon you) then I don't know what is.

10:08 AM  
Anonymous blackgirliniowa said...

Awwww....I hate to hear that you were feeling down, but I understand. The grief process is a mutha. Stay strong and you have so many people out here in the blogosphere rooting for you!

10:34 AM  
Blogger princessdominique said...

You are blessed Dee. And trust that good "tangible" things will happen for you too. Also I did post a poem. *Ahem!* tell me what ya think! :)

2:41 PM  
Blogger G. Cornelius Harris said...

Hey yours is coming...Just stay in their...Trust me...All yeah I posted the answers to the questions...I'll keep you posted

8:27 PM  
Blogger mrs.tj said...

After 14 comments, I know I don't have to tell you this but...You know you are the Schizznit! EVERYTHING happens for a reason, what comes around goes around...and all of that good stuff. (For $20 and a snicker bar I will go handle ol boy in Italy for ya! I always wanted to go) ;)
We luv ya gurl!

8:40 PM  
Blogger Diva said...

I know I'm all late and stuff, but as I was reading your post, I couldn't get what your friend said out of my mind...and I just wanted to tell you that your friends are your needs answered. I know how you felt...oh my god I know. But wow, your friend was certainly on point. Thank God for friends! Gosh girl, you got it goin' on! :-)

9:15 PM  
Blogger Furious said...

girl dont feel bad, i've let envy pollute my vision plenty of times. even us strongblackwimmens need our friends to snatch us up and remind us that we are living proof that God is there... even when we aint looking.

i feel EVERYTHING you speak on, yo. except my ex doesn't even bother to call (but that's a whole 'notha story).

9:17 PM  
Anonymous O said...

Hey. I happened upon this post while avoiding the work sitting next to me.
It caught me off guard and hit really close to home...in an odd sort of way. From what I've read, you seem like a pretty strong woman who doesn't need pepping up from some total stranger, but this post you wrote, it just reached into my chest. I am so sorry that you ever felt that way about what you can or cannot provide for your sons. My mother wasn't a divorcee, but she knew the feeling of not being able to give me the things I wanted. So, having been a teenage boy let me assure you of a few things.
First, if you show them you love them as much as you talk about them, they will completely forget anything you couldn't get for them by the time they are 23 or so. Second, when they look back on the men they have become, they may be glad that their father is who he is, but they will worship you for who you are. The most important thing my mother ever did for me was make me feel like I was the most important thing my mother ever did. Seriously. She had a ton going on, but I always, ALWAYS felt love. And it makes up for alot.

And you shouldn't ever feel the least bit guilty about wondering why your ex- came outta the situation all lovely, taking weekends in San Gimmy. There's a nursing shortage in this country for a reason, what you do is hard (often thankless) work. If you've earned anything raising two teenage boys and being a healthcare professional, it's the right to feel a little perterbed.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this blog. And remember that moms like you are the best things that ever happened to most of us young men.

5:03 PM  

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