Tuesday, October 25, 2005


My oldest son's friend has been staying with us since early Thursday morning(1:00 a.m.)
When I got home from my Wednesday nite outing.....grown folks stuff.....lol He was asleep at my house. When James got up to bring me to work on Thursday he told me the story on the way top work.

The kid( he's been friends with James since sophmore year) got into a fight with his mom lat Wednesday nite......she put him out.....he came to our house. Of course James let him in with his stuff!!!

James said "mom I know you wouldn't want the homie out on the streets" I had to let him in and I was gonna talk to you in the morning"

Now that was Thursday morning. I figured she would let it boil over and come get him on the weekend............It's been a week!!!!! No calls nothing!!!!! Everyday I ask him "did you talk to your mom?" He answers NOPE!!!!

Well last nite I asked him as I do every nite "you talk to your mom"? He replies yeah and the convo goes like this:

me: what did she say?

new.son:she wanted to know when I was gonna get the rest of my stuff

me: HUH????

new.son: she wants me to ge the rest of my stuff!!!!

Now we start to talk. We are home alone....my oldest is at work and my youngest is outside playing. He is hurt I can hear it in his voice. He says they fought over money.....everytime he gets paid, she takes/demands most of his money!!!! I feel for him....we talk about 30 minutes and I can hear the hurt in his voice....my heart goes out to him!!!

now before y'all get mad at me....I know that there are 2 sides 2 every story!!! But my point is this..........this lady doesn't know me from the man in the moon!!!! She has not called my house O.N.C.E.
she don't know if we are crackheads..........
she don't know if my house is clean...............
she don't know if we eat..........................

How do you let your 16 year old stay away from home for 7 whole days and not come see about him????? I.JUST.DON'T.G.E.T.I.T.

So i'm gonna give her ass til Sunday and i'm going over there to see what the deal is!!!! I don't mind him staying with us.....but I want to know:

Am I going about this the wrong way???? What do you all think?????


Blogger BajanQueen said...

For once I am first to post a comment Dee!! YEAH! Now down to bussiness!

If I was in the same situation I would do exaclty as you're doing.....Wondering what kind of mother is she!!

I would definetely give it some time, then if she does not make a move to see, or talk to her son then maybe you should talk to her and see what she has to say!

He can't stay at your house forever, and if you care enough about his welfare, she as his mother should damn well do the same!!!

I do not think you're over reacting at all!


3:41 PM  
Blogger Kayla said...

Hell to da naw! You aren't wrong. She is!! I'm with you on this. She doesn't know you from Adam. And what's up with her asking him when he's getting the rest of his stuff? WTH? I'm sorry, nothing could have gone THAT wrong for her to want him out of the house. The boy is only 16. At least, not forthe reason he gave you. Yeah, I know it's 2 sides to every story..actually I believe it's 3. His, hers, and the truth! Anyway, I applaud you for letting the lil homie stay AND talking to him about the situation. You're doing more for him than SHE is. I say wait like you said, then call her, if she doesn't call or come by. The boy can't be that bad, because he's friends with your son, who seems to be a great kid by the way. You haven't had any problems out of him since he's been there, so something aint right there.

5:03 PM  
Blogger Nicky said...

Shit if I was you I would have been called her. You are right to want to talk to her. But maybe she is trying to teach her son a lesson cuz you know some teens think they know everything, but regardless WTF is she thinking, I could see one day but damn.

7:29 PM  
Blogger Myrah said...

I will echo all that has been said I was gonna say HELL NO! but Kayla beat me to it! I would have called her day 2!

If you don't go over there and shame her into doing what's right you might as well take her to court for child support and set new son up for good at your house!!

Keep us posted girl!

7:58 PM  
Blogger Slim said...

I agree you need to go talk to her. I think she has went way over board. You would think she would be concerned about his well being, instead of standing ground to teach him a lesson. I think you need to talk to her ASAP. She definitely needs a different outlook on how she is handling her business as a parent.

4:21 AM  
Blogger defiant goddess said...

I think there are at least two sides to everything. And there may be a very good reason why after 16 years she basically told her son FU, take care of yourself.

I commend you for helping a brutha out but watch your back.

I also understand what you're saying about why hasn't she come to check on him but again, she might have good reason.

Of course, it could be argued, how can she be a good mother and turn away from her son? But that's what I'm saying, watch your back. lol

6:02 AM  
Blogger Brandi said...

I don't think your wrong at all. What the hell is wrong with her. He isn't a adult. He is still a child!

I feel so bad for this kid. It seems like the only reason she wanted him there is for his money!

6:20 AM  
Anonymous Nikki said...

I think you should speak with the mother as well as child services. Unless you plan on taking him in permanently, then some other authority needs to step in as well.

6:56 AM  
Blogger Dee said...

I am sooo torn about the situation!!! My son's friend is a good kid and no matter what happened I think his mom is just WRONG!!! It's been a fucking WEEK!!!!

7:16 AM  
Blogger African girl, American world said...

Hey Dee - I just went thru something similar just last night. I have to write about it at my blog later but I too am left wondering the hell with this woman who has 3 kids running crazy.
Keep ya head up and go see her on Sunday...take deep breaths!

8:33 AM  
Blogger Aziza said...

Maybe I'm not right for saying this since I don't have any kids yet, but I don't know how a mother can carry a child for nine months and then kick him out of her house later on as a teenager, who is still in my eyes a child. After he got kicked out of her house, she doesn't know whether her son is dead or alive or hurt. If something happened to him, would she come to your house crying? She's the adult in her household and needs to figure out what to do with her son. Although she may be displining her son, he still needs to know that she still loves him.

And then there is the issue of her slacking off on her parental responsibilities and putting it on you, although you agreed to take her son in. But basically, you are doing her and him a huge favor. But I agree with Nikki in that a child services agency can legally let the mother know what her responsibility is and or where the son can be placed with his welfare in mind.

8:33 AM  
Blogger Msnhim said...

You Need to speak to his mother ASAP! there is something really wrong with her that she would let him be out a week an not checked on him at lease once.

You did good though. Talking to him and letting him crash at your place. KUDOS to YOU

8:35 AM  
Blogger Dee said...

I don't really want to involve C.P.S. just yet....that I have seen from friends situations can get really really messy!!!!

8:47 AM  
Blogger Closet Owner said...

My dad put me out when I was 18. But I needed it!
My mother figured out a way to contact me every week to check on me give me food or a little cash.

I guess it is tougher being a Mom now, besides you didnt mention fathers. where is daddy during all of this.

10:40 AM  
Anonymous justwill said...

Trust me, from experience, leave the state out of it. A parent that doesn't really care is probably better than 90% of foster care or group homes (no way to know where he might end up). Maybe trying to work with other relatives might be better, and it would be easier than having the family deal with the state after the fact.

12:10 PM  
Blogger P. Alonzo Harris Jr. said...

hey madam,

you are doing everything right...i wouldn't worry...i would say when you go over there, make sure you have your game face on...

im certain you can hold you own, so you go over there and here her side of the story and then offer your thoughts on the matter pertaining to her son staying at your house...she may not take to kindly to you advising her on how she works with her boy, but you can definately speak on the fact that her son is staying with you and what effect, if any, that is causing on you and yours....

1:34 PM  
Anonymous call2arms said...

I think you should go see her and find out the situation, then do what the mother says. My mother put my brother out when he was 16, made my grandparents and father agree not to let him in. He was staying out till the wee hours and acting crazy. He returned home after a week and followed the rules.

Most parents won't let a kid move in, and then the kid will see that as bad as there house is, it is their home.

I don't support a parent making a kid share his income but unfortunately that is his situation. She's probably showing him how expensive things are and while his money can help their house, it can't make one.

I think my mother was unreasonable about a lot of things but she was feeding me and clothing me and she had her own strategy on raising us, which I don't think a disagreeing adult would have a right to oppose.

9:33 PM  
Blogger Sonnyredd said...

My Dad made me cough up 50-60 bucks a check directly to my Step mother. It was a way to reinforce the fact that I am a man and must be prepared to contribute to whatever household I am a part of. It taught me lessons that I will never forget- the importance on contribution, helping the family, and being responsible; and that was in the setting of a 6 figure household.

The boy should WANT to take care of his mother, he may not be doing anything else around the house. Dunno what my point is, other than to remain impartial until you see both sides of the story.

8:13 AM  
Blogger Queue said...

I think you should certianly stay impartial, Kids have a way of magically forgetting why tehy really got in trouble in the first plae, I had a friend - his mom took his check everytime he got paid, THE WHOLE THING - and gave him just enough for gas and lunch for the week... He'd wrecked her car twice and had to pay the deductible and a bunch of other legit charges - (tickets - lawyers fees ect) before she'd let him keep his check, then she started charging his butt rent - and he needed that too. SO be open when you go, although she should have called you even if she didn't want lil man to know she called. Butwhen momma gets hott, I mean HOTT it can take a week before she won't kill his azz when she sees him.

12:03 PM  
Blogger sonyared said...

Hey! Definitley talk to the mom...sounds right to me, you are handling it the way u think is right...just as long as u speak with "new sons" mom soon.

6:13 PM  
Anonymous O said...

Tough one. I wouldn't want to leave a child with no place to go, but damn. Who knows if the deal is that this kid is doin' dirt in his mama's house and she was at her wit's end. I don't really know. I kinda think you should go talk to the mama and see what the deal is.

Als0, did he say what she said (if anything) about him staying at your place? Yeah, she might be a trife mom, but she might have a son who is a bit more outta control than he's lettin' on. Careful, D, the best intentions can turn into the world's biggest nightmare with a quickness.

9:05 AM  
Anonymous Xquizzyt1 said...

Girl that's some crazy shit... she's using you to get a vacation from that child. But she clearly doesn't give too much of a damn... for ALL the reasons you mentioned. Hmmph. Horrible.

5:25 PM  
Anonymous mai said...

that's messed up. you need to konw what's going on with that. i mean, i know that the boy's on hard times and whatnot, but you need to set some stuff down, too.

talk to her, for real, because she may just be thinking you okayed the whole thing and be feeling bitter about that, too, since neither you nor he has contacted her.

8:51 AM  
Blogger Serenity23 said...

I would never let my son do that. I'd imagine that I wouldn't put him out, but what do I know, my son is just 3. By 16, he may be begging me to kick him out. But I know that parents should be there for you when nobody else isn't. So with that said, I'd never leave my baby to find his own way in this crazy world. I'd a called her behind the next day to see what's going on.

2:32 PM  
Blogger mrs.tj said...

You may actually be is young man's blessing in disguise.
As an evicted child myself, all I can say is it does take a community to raise a child.

12:31 PM  
Anonymous Kajuana said...

I'm not gonna read the comments. I just wanna know what happened.

11:50 AM  

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