Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Lemme write a REAL post...........

Since I got cussed out yesterday for having a fake post.............I will not mention names..well yeah maybe I will......LOL Ms.Tam(you're lucky I don't know how to link). She said "is that all we get"???

Let's talk about the new guy. He still makes me ~~~SMILE~~~. He's nice and funny and considerate. He just moves a little fast. Yeah there I said it......I told him we need to take things slow and just enjoy each others company......he said and I quote "i'm a grown ass man and I know what I want" Well DAAAYUM how do I respond to that??????? I responded by saying let's build a friendship first and take it from there.....he took that as rejection.........I din't say I didn't want to see him anymore, I simply said hey I like you and I really enjoy your company but let's just be friends....Is that so wrong????

He said that I am taking it out on him what the "liar" and my ex-husband did to me......he won't hurt me yadda yadda yadda is what I heard............sorry i'm not making him pay for the things they did to hurt me but I do have to keep my guard up............ya know???

Shit if it was up to him i'd be moving in next month..............he's already talking about taking me home to meet his family............WHHOOOAAAA. I'm like shocked.........this is happening really fast......

My gurlfriend keeps reminding me you have to be careful what you wish for...........yeah I prayed for a man worthy of all I have to give. I prayed/wished for someone to treat me the way I DESERVE to be treated and BAAMM!!!! Here he's almost unreal......we get along really well. His kids get along with my kids. He's got two kids 13 and 17 like my kids. Except the 17 year old is a girl and I have both y'all didn't know that.......LOL

Well we will see.......Am I so wrong????? I want to just take things SLOW!!!!! We were in the grocery store and I introduced him to someone as my "friend" when we got to the car he said "i'm not your friend...i'm your MAN"!!!! What the hell??????? What did I miss????

speedy: i'm not your friend...i'm your man!!!

me: when did this happen??

speedy: (with attitude) don't be such a smart ass!!!!

me: i'm serious!!! When did we establish ourselves as a "couple"???

speedy: how would you feel if I introduced you to someone as my friend??

me: shit it wouldn't matter cause you are my friend!!!!

speedy: I thought you were my woman....

me: did you ask me when I was sleeping????

speedy: Dee you are such a character.......

me: I don't remeber you asking me to be your woman

speedy: what are we in highschool?????

me: uuuuhhhh no but don't you have to ask me???

speedy: I like you a lot..I know what I want!!! I knew you were gonna be my woman the 1st time we spent the nite together!!!!

me: uhhh well I like you 2!!!

speedy: let's just change the subject!!!!! (with attitude!!!)

me: O.K.

Now y'all know i'm new to all this dating and courting and shit!!!! I was married for 124,345,876,999 years then I JUMPED right into a relationship with the "LIAR" But when do you know you are a couple???? Shit doesn't someone have to ask or something????? Am I just "old school"???? Shit do I have to sign something?????




How do you know????? He has not mentioned it since then........

How does this work?????


Blogger YouToldHarpoTaBeatMe said...

Bruva man! Sho sum respeck!

Glad to know a brotha knows what he wants and all but PUMPYA BRAKES CATDADDY!

A Sista ain't tryn' ta make history repeat itself. Makes ya wonder tho. Why hurry my process? Haste makes waste. Wouldn't want you to find out he was a genuine waste of time AFTER seeking psychiactric help.

I've noticed that the folks (men and women) who are constantly preaching "I'm not the one who hurt you, boo", are usually the ones who do the most damage.

8:46 AM  
Blogger Aziza said...

I just don't know why "some" men have a problem with the word friend. I called a guy my friend a month ago and he copped an attitude like I had called him curse word. I explained things to him for the sake of keeping it real. He's okay about it now.

But as far as your situation is going, Dee, I believe that you are going about things the right way in taking things slowly. And I believe a couple does need to discuss whether they are in an exclusive relationship so that there won't be any misunderstandings. But although your new guyfriend seems like a dream, hold tight to your convictions. You haven't kicked him to the curb; you just asked to take things slowly. Besides, what the rush on his behalf?

9:22 AM  
Blogger chele said...

I'm loving this.

Tell dude to slow his butt down. I feel you on this. What's the rush? Why can't you just have a good time without all this "you're mine", "I'm yours" stuff? What's it been, a couple of weeks? I always get very cautious when a brotha is trying to move too quickly into relationship-ville.

I dated a widower once who said he was all set to get into a relationship ... he was happily married for 19 years and his wife died suddenly five months prior. Ain't no way in the world he was ready! I high-tailed it outta there.

9:27 AM  
Blogger said...

my new site is up...
let me know what book you want to read for the book club...we can go buy them on payday! ;)
You know how we do!

9:28 AM  
Blogger said...

I do agree with taking it slow. I think the relationship is more concrete when you have that talk about being exclusive.
And yes...we KNOW you PRAYED AND PRAYED for this man. He sounds good. I'm still not sure if we have completed the background check on him or not, but I say compromise on whatever. make sure ya'll talk it out! Communication is the key! I will have this quesiton for my first on the Ask Mrs. TJ section of my web soon as I figure out how to add additional pages. Anywho.
PLEASE BE CAREFUL...we still don't know if this fool is crazy!

9:33 AM  
Blogger TTD said...

no.. u dont have to "ask" to be in a relationship.. but you know when you're in a relationship b/c both parties are on the same page.. but since u 2 aren't then, no it's not a relationship.

but he shouldn't have gotten mad when you introduced him as your "friend" - ya'll arent in middle school... what did he want u to say that he was your "boyfriend" - grow up!

but take it slow if that's what you want, but if he's not willing to accept that, then maybe he's not the guy u though he was..

10:49 AM  
Blogger The Sarccastik Variable Why said...

thank you and mrs.sarccastik was talking 'bout this same subject a couple of days ago...there needs to be a clear line of communication to establish boyfriend/girlfriend...."cocktail" with cruise in the movie...we were arguing that if he spent 3 months with the same woman...then ya'll must be together...i'm like if no one said a damn thing.....then "ya'll just hangin' out" right...somekind of communication...dotted line signing..or just don't wake up in the morning...oh wow..i'm in a relationship with someone.....even though we haven't confirmed...good post....

10:55 AM  
Blogger Closet Owner said...

Aint nuthin wrong with taken it slow,''

Brother needs to chill

11:25 AM  
Blogger Lāā said...

Yeah, he needs to take it slow. That would chase me away, going all fast and stuff. Make me think somethings wrong.

The introduction of 'friend' happens, just happened to me Monday. Although I have been with my man almost 2 years but I don't like using the word 'boyfriend'. It does sound like high school.

The boundaries should be discussed when/if you do decide to be exclusive with him. That way you both know what is going on.

11:38 AM  
Blogger That Girl Tam said...

Ok, now THAT'S what I'm talkin about...a REAL FUCKIN POST!!! I promise not to get all "preachy" - but this is something that women (and men for that matter) should understand...people pray all the time for a man/woman (respectively), but sometimes fail to get REALLY specific. When Mack and I were separated (and then divorced) I, like most women prayed for a good man to love me...did I get one? Sure, but that mutha fucka didn't have a job, 2 kids that he didn't take care of and no money. The next one catered to my ego, but all he wanted was some ass. The one after that had the BOMB sex, but stupid than a mutha fucka and was a fuckin stalker in the end.


So...when it was time, I asked the Universe for the RIGHT MAN (and Goddess knows I was ready) - and who did She lead me back to? MACK.

The point isn't to go back to your ex, but rather than making a laundry list of things you want (because we know sometimes shit that doesn't seem so important gets left out), ask for the RIGHT MAN - and the RIGHT MAN will come...

Yeah, dude may be pushin up a little fast, but you also have to open yourself up for the "experience" of dating. YES, DATING SUCKS ROCKS...but the lessons you learn along the way are me, I've been there...Instead of being the SMART ASS DEE we all know and love, maybe sit down all mature like (not that you're NOT mature - hheheheh) and buffer the man's ego (cuz if you like him, then maybe he's worth it). And clearly express your may iron shit out for you...

11:40 AM  
Blogger Msnhim said...

LMAO this was hilarious. I all for taking it slow but it seems like you got him "sprung" and having felt that before I can sympathize with the man.

Stick to your guns cuz you know what is right for you.

11:48 AM  
Blogger Honest said...

Hmmm sounds like you two really need to sit down and have a "talk" since you're clearly not on the same page. Moving fast is great when both parties are in agreement but since there's clearly a difference of opinion here you might want to communicate that.

12:21 PM  
Blogger Hali said...

It sounds like he just took it upon himself to claim you as his. I think that this is something that has to be discussed. Even if you two are always together. If there hasn't been any discussion on it then, it is what it is - a friendship. He needs to be respectful of your pace. There isn't any rush on things. It is ok to just enjoy one another without all the titles. Tell him to slow his role and enjoy! If he cares for you he will take it slow before he runs you away.

12:41 PM  
Blogger P said...

All right, Miss Dee. I've been on a hiatus, but I'm back.

Let's do this.

You are both right.

You are right because you are being cautious during a time where you want to make sure this is the direction that you want to go in.

He is also right in that here's how it works with women and men: Women want to settle down when they meet the right man; men want to settle down when they meet a woman during the time they are ready to settle down.

He sees you as someone who meets the criteria (being the Diva you are), and wants to go full speed ahead, and yeah, anytime someone likes someone and another tells them to slow it down, they must feel rejected. Plus, fellas have delicate egos.

Just sounds like a bump in the road. But the 405 gets that way sometimes!

12:49 PM  
Blogger P said...

Tam is right. Dating sucks eggs.

12:50 PM  
Blogger BajanQueen said...

When you find out let me know....I'm still asking myself the same question!!

I don't think you're wrong for your feelings, after both episodes in your life (I was late coming into the mix so I missed those post) you have a right to your point! If he truly cares he will understand and be patient....

But you also have to understand he won't wait forever!! So you need to decide what you want.....

I'm happy for ya though! *smile*


You are tooooo funny with the: Dee do you want to go with me....yes, no, maybe!! ~lol~

2:52 PM  
Blogger DIVA said...


Half of the time I don't know if I am really dating or if I am just fucking around and getting screwed. (K bad choice of words but you get the idea) But yes, ain't nothing wrong with taking things slowly. In fact, most of the time dudes are happy to go slowly so why is this guy in a rush. Go at the pace that works for you girl. That's all you can do.



2:52 PM  
Blogger No One said...

I feel you so much on this topic. I am in the dating world and I suck at it! I'm 25, but I was with someone for 9 years, so I know virtually nothing about dating. Someone wants to spend 2 days in a row with me, I tell them I want to be friends! It's horrible and it sucks!
Glad you found a good guy though!

5:05 PM  
Blogger Rose said...

Take it as slow as you need too. But don't take out stuff on the new guy from what happened with someone else. You know we all get a bad rap for doing that. Be cool and do you and you have a handle on everything.

8:28 PM  
Blogger MEP said...

He CANNOT assume that you guys are a couple and just start introducing you as "his woman" until there is a DTR (define the relationship talk). That is a cardinal rule of dating.

Now, if you want to have that DTR, go for it. But he has to respect your desire to take things slowly if he wants to stick around.

6:58 AM  
Blogger Cutie Cola said...

Just go with your gut feelings. You'll know when it feels right. Don't feel pressured into doing anything. Do what pleases you FIRST. As long as you are honest with yourself and him, you will have no regrets.

10:40 AM  
Blogger Rhonda said...

Girl if he really likes you he will be willing to give you all the time you need. I mean you have to give a little to get a little but bottom line he will comprimise if he wants you. I think your going about it correctly. He just needs to be understanding of how you feel no matter why you feel that way.

11:43 AM  
Blogger MsDMarie said...

I strongly believe there does need to be some type of conversation acknowledging you're in a "relationship" otherwise you don't know what the hell is going on!! Maybe that WAS the conversation?

3:10 PM  
Blogger African girl, American world said...

Dee you's a trip for the yes no maybe :)

Sounds like he KNOWS what he wants and that's refreshing BUT he must respect what you want and that is to take it slow.

You're right to have your guard up and he can't fault you for that!

Braman just needs to be more'll come around.

4:33 PM  
Anonymous o said...

Okay, I think you gotta ask. But I'll say this, if he doesn't ask, and you agree then no problems. Maybe the game changes. I think it's easier to ask. Then he wouldnt'a gotten all hurt. But anyway, I'm happy for you, even if there are some challenges.

10:15 PM  
Blogger Guide_to_life said...

I believe it easier to say something or to ask if you have too. Only b/c it could lead to one person thinking one way and the other totally opposite. We often believe we are mind readers in relationships when half the time we aren't even sure what we want. I think its best to speak up so there is no confusion

5:00 AM  
Blogger Melinda said...

I think you can only move at a pace that is comfy to you. I always think it is a good idea to have a firm good friendship and you can't develope that if you are married 2 days after meeting.. It is said that the relationships based on a strong friendship last longer and are healthier. So tell him a slower pace is worth it in the long run.

7:09 AM  
Blogger ddsprncs said...

I would say this sounds fast, if you have already slept with him he may be confused, as some people think sleeping with someone is something only people in a relationship do. if you have not maybe he is just one of tose clingy people. all in all I would say it is too early to be having arguements. Check out Mwabi's post from yeasterday.
Good luck!!

7:52 AM  
Blogger Angie said...

What is the rush? In my experience some men try to lock you down really fast but continue to "DO Them". They just wanna make sure your not going anywhwere. I think there has to be discussion about where you stand with each other. And yes I want a man to ask me without really asking me (lol) Not do u wanna be my woman but something like.... I enjoy being with u, talking to u, spending time with you, I enjoy u.... and I don't want any other man to have that privilige. (u get the picture)

10:00 AM  
Blogger Jaimie said...

You don't know how to link? Click on the link on the create post page that has a little paperclip and type in the web address. Good luck!

5:43 PM  
Blogger princessdominique said...

Oooo "friend"?

5:56 PM  
Blogger MsJayy said...

Whew! That's rich. I'm all for a brother who knows what HE wants but um...since he is so gungho on building a WE, he might want to take into account what YOU want so as to build a happy medium. Myself? Having the opposite moving so slow, I think he's comatose. Makes a sistah a wee bit suspicious.

9:37 AM  
Blogger Kayla said...

See...I added my damn comments and the internet crashed on me, so here is the condenced version to what I said...

In this day, asking is unheard of. However, my boo asked me, "Are you my girl? Will you be my lady, Kay?"
If you want to take things slow, your "friend" should respect that, no matter what he wants. If he plans to be around, what's the hurry, anyway? On the other hand, take a second and ask yourself why you want to "pump the breaks". It's obvious you're enjoying yourself with him. Whatever he did to make you feel that way, talk to him about it. If it's something within you; it out, chica! Open yourself up to the possibility that something good can come out of your relationship with this man..whatever that may be...If what you're feeling is by instinct and not what you got to do...

3:43 PM  
Blogger Nia said...

LOL you're a trip. I have been on both ends of this (no win) argument.
His point of view: You two probably act as a couple even though the words were not spoken but at the same time...the only thing you're avoiding by saying the word couple is a commitment. Saying you're not a couple is like saying, I'm still out looking for something better.
Your point of view: You've got to learn from your mistakes and if one of your mistakes was taking things too fast...then why rush. If its good and its meant to be it will be whether it happens this second or the next.

Like I both have powerful arguments but which is right depends on what feels right to you. (I'm like the 50 millionth person to comment so excuse me if I've said something that's already been said.)

7:33 AM  
Blogger brooklyn babe said...

Okay been out the loop here,
I'm playing big catch up here..
Ummm Miss Dee....

I'm tell you like my girlfriend who had been praying and wishing, and wishing and praying for that "right relationship" that just snuck up on her like BAM!
Just be grateful and ask for more!
"You got this ma'an!!!"

11:56 AM  

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