Wednesday, February 08, 2006

hurt only hurts as long as you let it!!!!!

I got an e-mail yesterday from my ex-husband. Why was he in the picture with his parents, two aunts and a friend of ours!!!!! SHE WAS HOLDING HIS FUCKING HAND????? WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE DOING IN ITALY????


She is/was the wife of one of his friends!!!! They lived with us for 3 months back in 2000 while they waited for their house to become available to move in.

The pictures were of him making chief in the navy. They were having a ceremony. The 1st pic was him and his boys......the 2nd pic was him, his mom, dad, 2 aunts and I saw a white girl standing behind his mom.......I thought hmmmm that's weired!!! Who is she, she doesn't have on a uniform so she can't be in the Navy.............scrolled down to the 3rd picture and he is holding his mom's hand on one side and HER hand on the other side!!!!!! THAT HURT!!!!!

I stareted crying....a mean ugly cry cause that hurt!!!!!!! Yeah people are supposed to move on after divorce, but with a friend or so called friend??? I was soooo upset I had to leave work!!!!!! What else can this asshole do to hurt me?????

Were they fucking around in my house???? How long has this been going on????? All the card parties and fish frys....were they messing around then???? This sucks!!!!

I came home and prayed and prayed some more.......................I prayed for God to take this from me..........

Then I decided I can make the decision right now to be sad, mad and depressed of MOVE THE HELL ON!!!!

I woke up this morning and decided NO MORE!!!! HE CAN NOT MAKE ME SHED ONE MORE TEAR!!!!


Blogger TTD said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

6:58 AM  
Blogger TTD said...

im sure that did hurt.. im sorry for you.. but at least you realized that he can only hurt you if you let him (early) dont let it bother you.. i hope everything works out..

6:59 AM  
Anonymous nicky said...

Hey mama, just dropping by to say Hi... Sorry to hear that you were/are upset, keep your head up ma, he knew that the picture was going to bother you or he wouldn't have sent it. FUCK that biatch don't give that hooker another thought she is a loser.. Be strong and keep praying about it you will come out on top. ;o)

7:06 AM  
Blogger The Sarccastik Variable Why said...

way to go....that's all it takes is praying to god and leaving it alone after that....he will make you stronger...(i'm diggin' the kirk franklin track).....don't let them get to you...why did he send you an email anyway...whatever...good post....never G-I-V-E U-P, and keep H-E-A-D U-P...

7:19 AM  
Blogger Msnhim said...

Ok first, HE's AN ASSHOLE for even sending you the picture.

Second, She's a HOE.

Third, your better than both of them, dont let them bring you down.... your a strong woman always remember that!

7:45 AM  
Blogger Brandi said...

I cannot blame you one bit. He sent that picture to you just for that reason. To hurt you. FUCK him and that bitch!

Girl, they deserve each other!

7:49 AM  
Anonymous Nikki said...

Dee, he's not even worth crying over. And yeah, you can't help but to feel a little something, because you two shared a history, but don't dwell on that. He's the past and don't let that affect your future.

7:53 AM  
Blogger Dee said...

It just seems like since the seperation/divorce he just keeps having "good luck"........he cheated and ruined our marriage with a child.............he got promoted TWICE he seems to have everything and I struggle!!!!! Now this?????? I fed that bitch for THREE MONTHS!!!!!! She slept under my fucking roof for 12 weeks!!!!! That is fucked up!!!!!

8:07 AM  
Anonymous nicky said...

I had to come back to see your response. I used to feel like this all the time "if it wasn't for bad luck, I would have none at all" however I have decided that, that just isn't true. You have all the good luck you need, two healthy and well grounded kids who have become that way based on YOU, your health and guess what we all struggle. For being the asshole that he is, his time will come, you have to believe that people that do bad and cross you, always get theirs in the end!!!!!!!

8:43 AM  
Blogger YouToldHarpoTaBeatMe said...

Girl, don't pray for God to take it away....Give it TO Him! Easier said than done, right?

Brotha man knows exactly what he's doing, and trust, it DOES come back. Stuff like that never goes "unrewarded". In due time, Luv.

Don't waste anymore tears on any of them.

10:21 AM  
Blogger Miz JJ said...

He did that shit on purpose to get back at you, but don't take the bait. You are better than that situation.

11:37 AM  
Blogger Slim said...

youtoldharpotabeatme could not have said it better. Let GOD handle him! Don't let him get you down.

Girl fuckum! He ain't worth your tears, your time, your energy!

12:16 PM  
Blogger Slow Metamorphosis said...

OMG Girl you made the right decision - dont even let him have any more hold on your emotions.

Why would he even send you that picture...UGH!

12:16 PM  
Blogger Melinda said...

Yes let it go! Don't let him have the ability to hurt you anymore! I have found that when i allow myself to hold resentment or anger at someone for too long i am giving them WAY to much power in my life!

12:23 PM  
Blogger chele said...

Dee -- why in the world would he send you that e-mail? You'll be fine ... trust yourself and your own words: it only hurts for as long as you let it.

12:32 PM  
Anonymous afrochelle said...

He probably sent you that email hoping that you'd be upset. I'm glad that you're moving on.

2:39 PM  
Blogger P said...


First of all, don't let anyone tell you that it is not okay to hurt, because it is. Just as TTD said, we are sure that it did hurt.

And even though you are divorced, so many 'what if's' tend to pop up when you see things like such. Furthermore, it's not as if this is some random person, this is someone that you both knew, who lived with you for a spell.

It's perfectly natural for resolved, and even unresolved feeling to come up, especially in light of these circumstances.


Before you know it, it will not be affecting you, you will be able to go on, and this will be another life lesson.

I don't expect for you to read all this and then put on "Not Gone Cry" by Mary J. Blige, because it's so much easier for us to say such things when we are on the outside looking in.

I just say all this to say that we know it hurts, and you are in pain, and life does go on, but in life, sometimes going on is a pain.

BTW: Finding out whether or not they were together while they were in your house is going to be like finding out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop. BUT, I can tell you this, me being a woman, and I know women - I can almost bet the farm that she has wanted him for a long time.

I can't ascertain to his feelings, but I know how women operate, especially ones with ulterior motives. Yes, I know it takes two to tango, but again, see sentence one.

Bottom line is, you have at least made a conscious decision to move on, and that's the first step. But if ever in fact you reach the end of the rope, TIE A KNOT AND HANG ON.!!


3:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this made me i thought i would share this with you...Remember the following:

~You Can Change The World In A Day By Changing How You View It~

Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living _expression of kindness. Kindness in your face,kindness in your eyes and kindness in your smile.
-Mother Theresa

3:40 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

I have been through a similiar situation with my ex. I am really sorry and I completely understand how you feel!

3:55 PM  
Blogger African girl, American world said...

gurl! damn Dee if it ain't one thing its another. I'm glad you came to that decision.


6:25 PM  
Blogger SMW said...

girl... im glad i dont have to deal with that crap anymore. I thought it would never end.

it did. one day, ur heart will heal too. mine too!

until then. cry it out. cuz i did. don't be ashamed.

but remember, he wasn't your last relationship. He wasn't your best relationship. His actions don't define your worth.

They just define HIS worth.

You'll have better.

You'll see.

9:31 PM  
Blogger LUVIN ME said...

When you are hurting, it feels like it will never end, but it will. One day you'll look back and be happy that you let it go. It will be okay.

5:06 AM  
Anonymous Shai said...

Dee I feel for ya. My child's father, someone I have known for over 25 years, can be an asshole too at times.

Don't let his "luck" get to you. YOU will be getting blessings which is very different than luck.

There is a passage in the Bible about how God uses the wicked and foolish to confound the wise. Girl, this is a test of your courage and faith. I know you don't want to hear this but HE will get his.

As quickly as he got those things they will also crumble. He built his "luck" on a weak foundation. He will get his recompense.

7:12 AM  
Blogger Aziza said...

Dee, it looks like your ex was working some passive agressive mess on you. He knew that those pictures would upset you. So that's why he sent them to you.

But look at it like this, he is a cheater. And you deserve better than a cheater. So, the other woman can have him, because eventually he may cheat on her, too. That's on her. Cheaters just a keep on cheating. But in the meantime, you're looking for a quality man. It takes time for one of those to roll around. I'm waiting on mine.

9:48 AM  
Blogger Accomplice said...

why did he send you those pics anyway, especially that particular one. hell i was mad when i read the shit so i can only imagine how you feel. girl you are right that shit will hurt as long as you let it, so don't.

12:30 PM  
Anonymous Shai said...

Makes me wonder how much he is bothered by you successfully moving on emotionally. I had that happen, not quite how he did you.

It is like they gotta see how much they can mess with your mind and emotions cause theirs is so jacked up.

12:55 PM  
Anonymous Shai said...

Makes me wonder how much he is bothered by you successfully moving on emotionally. I had that happen, not quite how he did you.

It is like they gotta see how much they can mess with your mind and emotions cause theirs is so jacked up.

12:55 PM  
Anonymous Shai said...

Makes me wonder how much he is bothered by you successfully moving on emotionally. I had that happen, not quite how he did you.

It is like they gotta see how much they can mess with your mind and emotions cause theirs is so jacked up.

12:55 PM  
Blogger Closet Owner said... strong, move on..I guess.


2:31 PM  
Blogger Carmell said...

damn... that sucks. i know you were hurting. i feel for you girl. don't let him get to you. i know you got a lot of questions... knowing me i wold be trying to find the answers...but i wouldn't advice that;)

3:12 PM  
Blogger Icey said...

You read my post from earlier this week and you KNOW I KNOW I KNOW how you feel about people controlling my emotions. Only you can control your emotions girl STOP giving him that power because he will use it for evil EVERY TIME!! And really do you need people like that in your life? Hell no you don't! You have people (this blog included) that love you and care about you and only want the best for you! F him!!

My heart is hurting for you because I understand. I am praying for you deeply!

3:21 PM  
Blogger ddsprncs said...

He is an idiot, I would not open any more of his emails! Karma will get him.
The best thing to do is what you did cry & give it to God.

3:28 PM  
Blogger That Girl Tam said...

Well looks like we're BOTH going thru something. I just came up for air and now I read this...mama I'm sorry that you're hurting, but know that 'this too shall pass'. Be strong...move forward and stop living in the past.

Hey, I still got those bats in my wanna fly to Italy to beat her ass???

4:07 PM  
Blogger "N" Search of Ecstasy said...

All man!!! I feel for you. I know how it is to hurt like that. It is okay and I definitely understand.

Try not to think about all those what ifs. I know that will be hard, but please try. It only makes you feel worse.

Take care and feel better soon. Its gonna be allright!

And why in the hell would he send you that pic anyway? Dammit!

5:35 PM  
Blogger princessdominique said...

Amen Dee! No more. You deserve to be free.

4:47 AM  
Blogger Rhonda said...

Girl sing it like Mary J. The what if's could go on forever and until you decide within yourself - the pain will never go away!

You go girl for making this paramount decision!!!

8:30 AM  
Blogger Ms. Secrets said...

oh i sooo feel ur pain. i just came out of a 9year relationship.maybe 3months now. unfortunately he doubts a woman's intuition and the fact our daughter can talk. he claims he is dating multi women. but my daughter and others has informed me he has been seen very frequently with one women in particular. it hurted just hear about it but i can only imagine how it feels to see it. somethings tells it's a women that i know so i just stay prayerful in the mean time before i have to meet her. it the grace of God that will help me deal with that situation and not allowin it get the best of me.

9:27 AM  
Blogger TheOneandOnlyInsanely said...

DAMN!! THats fucked up!!!
Yes, it does make you think back to when you guys were together and what possibly happened.....
Thats probably the most hurtful part.
Sorry about that, you strong, you'll be aiight!!!

9:54 AM  
Blogger said...

Dee, this is me rubbing your back, giving you a big hug, and trying to figure out how to pay pay you $20 for a bottle on me. You know how we the pain into Oblivion. You know if you drink enough you won't remeber nathin the next morning! Holla at your girl. You know I need a vacation. We can be on our way to slash someones tires oversea! ;)
luv ya!

10:47 AM  
Blogger brooklyn babe said...

Well Damn.... that's completing sound like a well deserved ass whuppin, and I'm always quick to tell folks to move on... but I hear U... thank goodness, he's HER problem now. After hurting comes healing, so you are well are you way!

3:20 PM  
Blogger Call 2 Arms said...

I knew a girl who would go everywhere this guy went. She would talk bad about his girlfriend, call her fat, crazy be nasty. I just thought the girl was doing what some women do to other women.

Years later she hooked up with the guy and I realized what the heck had happened. She had liked the guy all along, I don't know if she was interfereing in his relationships. I wonder what will be her karma? I think your bad acts always come back, others may not see it, but I think the actor always knows.

3:24 PM  

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