Wednesday, February 01, 2006

i'm shocked............

I'm shocked at the people who think that I should have let James go to the girls prom even though he was getting a D in one of his classes.

I understand that for girls, the prom is BIG. My son not being able to go one week before was bad............I was sorry and apologized to the young lady and her mom. She had been dateless TWICE in a two week period. I really felt bad for her.....REALLY!!

Listen there was no WAY I was going to let him go with a D.......PERIOD!!!! I still had to give him $100 for his tux...........$25 for her flower and money to spend at and after the prom..................NO FREAKING WAY!!!! (SEE I DIDN'T CUSS....IT'S FEB 1ST)

The thing that concerns me is young ladies thinking that they HAVE to have a date for prom!!!!! I would just ROLL with my gurls................just me...............If I had a daughter I would tell her to do the same.............go and have a great time for the last time as a high schooler!!!!

Me letting him go would let him know it's o.k to mess up and you can still go have a good time because this young lady can't have a good time without you on her arm...........naaah I couldn't do it!!!!

This time around he was asked to the dance a few weeks ago (whats with all the last minute invites?~?~) James assured me that his grades were up to par and there would be no last minute cancellations..............he said "mom I don't want to make any more girls cry"

By the way James prom is in May and he's thinking of going SOLO. When I asked him why he said "because I don't need a date to have fun...I will just CHILL with ALL my friends one last tme............


Blogger chele said...

I think what you did teaches him to be responsible for his actions. It teaches him that our choices not only affect us but those we care about.

I think that's a very valuable lesson.

11:00 AM  
Blogger TTD said...

im shocked w/ you.. my mom wouldnt have let me go either.. if she really needed a date, she coulda got a family member (which i did for my jr prom) my boyfriend (at the time) was "too hard" to dress up.. so i took my cousin w/ me & had a ball & my pics looked damn good!

11:01 AM  
Blogger Drama Kween said...

i know i rolled to my prom solo (both of them) and was cool with it when i got there cuz lot of my friends went with friends so we just all congregated on the dance floor and had a ball (prom dates are over-rated)...i almost had a date for my senor prom but i got a low grade on my report card and they punished me and restricted me from calling him until a week before my prom and he had to work (he was older)...i was mad at first...but then i fun when i got there :-)

11:12 AM  
Blogger Miz JJ said...

In Canada you can't just roll up on another's school prom. Only those in your school are allowed to attend. So I went with my girls. Good on you to not allow your son to go. A 'D' should not be rewarded.

12:01 PM  
Blogger Msnhim said...

Dee you did the right thing and the only thing that matters is that your son learned a lesson. I feel for the girl but you gotta do whats right for you and yours.

12:26 PM  
Blogger Icey said...

I have a 17 year old and I would have done the exact same thing...not let her little arse go!!! What you did teaches your son consequences and repercussions! lol

12:36 PM  
Blogger MEP said...

I'm with you Dee, you can't dole out punishment like that and then back down or you'll never have credibility again - you did the right thing. The girl's mother is the one who needs to check her parenting skills if she's giving her daughter the impression that she HAS to have a boy to have fun. I have a problem with that too, you're not the only one. Reminds me of all my girls from undergrad who are STILL desperate for a man - the ones who think they can't go to a club without hooking up or go to a wedding without a date. PUH-LEEZE.

Good for you for teaching your boy to recognize responsibility, consequences and independence!

Just to reinforce your point: My parents used to threaten to keep me and my sister from going places but then let us talk them into letting us go. We never took punishment seriously from them after that.

I think we wore them down with arguments (i became a debate geek and my sis is in law school), but they shouldn't have backed down b/c they lost their credibility is disciplinarians.

1:06 PM  
Blogger Closet Owner said...

You did right dont even sweat it.

But tell him to take a chic to Sr Prom...some girl will be very appreciative ;)

1:22 PM  
Blogger P said...

Ooh, I can go so many ways with this.

For you, you did what you know is best as a parent.

For the girl: I'm sure she had to backpedal and figure out what she was going to do, and it's not easy for folks to come up with a few bones at the last minute. It can be done, but she prolly wanted to go with him, so I can understand her disappointment.

It can be said that another punishment could have been used, but I'm not the parent, and neither are this girls parents, so it is pretty much none of their concern how you parent. You apologized, so, enough said.

On another note, I went to my prom solo, and not because I'm some mud duck (HAHA! when's the last time you heard that). I went because when I was 17, I was 5'10" in my stocking feet and everyone thought I was some mature chick, and that I had a college boyfriend who was taking me. Only two guys asked me.

One, well, I didn't like the way his Jheri curl looked, and

Two, the other one, seemed like he had some bad intentions, that which I was not interested in (at that time, HEHE)

So I flew solo. Seven guys came up to me at the Prom talking about "Man, I wanted to "ax" you but I thought that you had a dude.

Long story short, going by myself was the best thing that I ever did. I had so much fun. I danced with who I wanted to, came and went as I pleased, and I really did have a good time. But I'm a loner, and even though, it's not so much of a big deal now (this was in 88, backintheday!), girls (and fellas) fly solo all the time.

Her parents are prolly traditionalists that make a big brouhaha about the prom. I'm sure everything turned out right.

Some of the best prom stories are the ones where things didn't turn out quite like you expected.

Dee: Continue to do your thang!

1:34 PM  
Blogger That Girl Tam said...

I see ddsprncs (and anyone ELSE who co-signed) is catchin HEAT!!

Yanno...I have sons and if that ever happened, I think I'd do the EXACT same thing. My mom was HELLA strict - when I was in the 11th grade my boyfriend was a senior. My mom refused to let me go because it wasn't MY PROM (she didn't wanna pay for a dress, hair and nails). I was devastated...I had to watch the so-called (hehe) love of my life go with some OTHER girl (who incidentally he ended up dumping me for that summer just days before my senior year started - ASSHOLE!)

He is YOUR son and who is ANYONE to question your methods of raising or disciplining your child? I'll be DAMNED if someone is gonna talk shit about how I raise MY kids...

Keep doin your did right...

I ended up going to the prom with the BIGGEST DWEEB (no one told me - he didn't go to my school). I tried to get rid of him up til the week before prom, but he wouldn't go away. Fool showed up on prom night with a fuckin "T" carved into the side of his damn head.... *sigh* I hear he's married now with like 7

2:10 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

You as his mom have to do what you feel is best! So I agree with your decision!

3:11 PM  
Blogger Melinda said...

the ultimate proof that you did the right thing was his study habbits and grades after that..sounds like they got better..NUFF SAID!!

5:50 PM  
Blogger ddsprncs said...

I don't I am catching the .. I do think having girls is alot different than having boys, Out all my firends I am the only one with girls...
I have to say there is alot to be said about keeping a commitment and that is the problem with young men these days, they think they can easily dissapoint young women with out any reprocusions and that is how the situation looked TO ME, he could have been punished many other ways and still kept his commitment, I believe in good grades trust me I am that mom that the whole school knows I am always up there or on the phone; seeing how my daughter is doing I do not want to be susprised with bad marks.
As for going to the prom alone thats fine if thats what you want to do, but not everybody wants to. It is good to teach our daughters to be independent and self reliant but in the end the world was set up and based on and man and a women being together. I teach my daughter to go to college and have something to fall back on but, I also believe she should be able to grow up get married and raise her children and then if for some reason her husband becomes ill or (god forbid) dies she can take her degree and go to work.

Hey I love a good debate! I hate going along with crowd.

6:28 PM  
Blogger Kayla said...

You did the right thing, Dee. Everyone parents differently, and you did what works for you. I would have done the same thing. I would have felt sorry for the girl, but hey, $hit happens...I know..that was nasty...Anywho..

I went to my Junior Ring Dance; some states my call it a Junior Prom, SOLO. I had the time of my life! For the prom, I was going to the prom with my bf at the time, but since he was a military family, he ended up moving out of the state before hand. I decided to go solo, until a friend of mine asked me to go with him.

I still had a ball, because he was a cool guy, and didn't expect anything from me but a good time. The kicker to that is, when we got there, everyone was asking me why I went to the prom with him; mainly guys.

I wanted to know what concern is was of theirs who I went with. If they wanted me to go with them, they should have asked. HATERS!! LOL

7:34 PM  
Blogger Cutie Cola said...

I think you did the right thing. Being the mother of a son, I know how you have to 'remind' them that messing up is not an option.

7:56 PM  
Blogger SmartBlkWoman said...

Oh lord I should tell my prom story on my blog. I wanted to go dateless and me and my friend (another girl) were gonna kick it! My parents lost their mind and begged me to go with someone so they picked the little brother of the guy that made my dress. I met him the day of prom when I walked down the stairs!!! It was fun though, he was a cool cat.

I would have let him go. Wow, it looks like everyone disagreed with me. I would have felt bad for the girl and said that I'm not gonna let my baby mess up someone elses night. He would have paid a price for the D though.

10:25 PM  
Blogger LUVIN ME said...

You are teaching him well, and from the last line, it looks line something good is rubbing off!

4:57 AM  
Blogger Guide_to_life said...

I think that you did a very let your son know that school comes first and is a priority w/ you...I applaude you for putting your foot down...and for him to say there will not be any more surprises should assure you that he has learned a lesson

5:43 AM  
Blogger YouToldHarpoTaBeatMe said...

I'm more pissed than shocked. MOMMA don't need no freakin' explanation. You explained to both him and that child why he couldn't go. That was good enough for James not to even THINK of debating, and it should've been good enough for her lil' lonely butt.

That child, her momma, and of ALL people, that Vice Principal, ought to know that NO ONE gets rewarded for messing up.

6:16 AM  
Blogger Rose said...

As the mother of a daughter, I would have been so upset that my child had to suffer because of this. Though I don't question your methods for raising your son. These are trying times for ytoung men. They have so much to handle. So as the mother you were looking out for your son interest. I feel bad for the girl though. My daughter is a debutante this year. We will spend several thousands dollars for this one night. The first thing they told us to do at the orientation is seek a solid commitment for the escort from the parent. Because it would be devastating should the young man back out. So what I have done is I have a back-up plan who will attend practices to make sure my daughter will have an escort. You proved that your son must show responsibilty for himself and he did that. I think that is admirable. So beaause because you know your child best and what his needs are you did the best for your child and trust me I don't question that at all.

8:11 AM  
Anonymous chelle said...

I'm not anyone's mother, but this is how I see it. You are raising a MAN and for a single mother that's not easy.

You have to be mother and father meaning, you have to balance being compassionte, loving and caring with being a disciplinarian. They need to fear your wrath just as they would a man's.

We could comment all day long on could've, should've, would've. But the bottom line is: He's your son, he lives in your house, you feed him, clothe him, you gave birth to him, only God and you know what's best for him.

Respect is not just understood because you're his mother, it's EARNED and it seems to me that you're on the right path to earning it. Do you, and what's best for yours.

10:38 AM  
Blogger Lāā said...

You did the right thing. You are his parent and taught him the repercussions for his actions.

Going with a date is overrated. I went with my friends to homecoming and prom. I regret nothing.

12:24 PM  
Anonymous Nikki said...

Ain't no way my Mom would have let me go to the prom if my grades were low. But at least it looks like James learned something this time around.

12:46 PM  
Blogger princessdominique said...

Yes the prom means something wayyyyy different for the girls.

12:52 PM  
Blogger Slow Metamorphosis said...

girl i agree with you 100% - he needs to learn this lesson.
And um yea I went to the prom by myself (not for lack of dates cuz er um I had some options) but I had a GREAT time with my girls!

1:22 PM  
Blogger Honest said...

You did the right thing and I wished more parents followed through with their rules. I use my own brother as an example he should have been locked up in the house with the kind of grades he got in H.S so now he thinks he can get everything without working for anything.

7:06 PM  

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