Friday, May 19, 2006

What the hell is my problem????????

I got a text and an e-mail from a co-worker, well ex co-worker. They set up dinner near my old job because everyone misses us. The girl that sent me the text said boss lady will be there and they want me 2 be there as well......I told her I didn't know if I could make it................her response was that she was sure that everyone would be sad if I didn't come. I like most of them and LOVE a few.

I was there longer than any of them......I trained all of them in some way shape or form...........from the girls in the call room 2 the medical assistants to the front desk girls. I taught them about each of the Dr.s personalities.........what's cool about them, what makes them tick, who runs late....yadda yadda...........

Why don't I want 2 meet theese people that I spent 40 hours a week with for over 7 years??????

I think it's because i still feel bad about causing boss lady 2 lose her job.........I feel a little embarassed that i made a STUPID choice trying 2 help someone who obviously didn't give a F.U.C.K. about me!!!!! Over my 10 plus years as a nurse I have did the same thing( written a note to go back 2 work or school) for SEVERAL people...............WHY.DID.IT.GO.SO.WRONG.THIS.TIME?~?~?! NOT ONLY DID I LOSE MY JOB BUT I CAUSED MY BOSS 2 LOSE HER JOB................SHE ONLY HAD 5 YEARS 2 GO BEFORE SHE COULD RETIRE FROM THE UNIVERSITY...............Boss lady has told me several times that she doesn't blame me......she assures me that she would do it for me again........she says that GOD has other plans for the both of us but I STILL FEEL BAD!!!!!!

I don't think I will go!!!! I haven't seen any of them since I was terminated. I don't know if i'm ready!!!!! I will meet boos lady for lunch ALONE but i'm just not ready 2 look at the rest of them........



Blogger Honest said...

Dee there's nothing wrong with you and what you're feeling is only human. I've made mistakes at work and the last thing I wanted to do was go into the office and face everyone after I've made it. To be embarrased is normal, take your time and hell let the chick that invited you know you're not ready. You miss them too but you're just not ready.

12:58 PM  
Blogger said...

You know how that be sometimes when you don't feel like going out, don't feel like going to church, but when you finally get there your wonder why you ever considered not going...Maybe you need to go for some closure. So you can see Boss Lady is really happy with the choices she has made. Maybe SHE needs to see SHE can feel better.
But ultimately you will have to do what makes you feel better.
Do it up BIG this weekend!

2:23 PM  
Blogger P said...

It depends, Dee.

Do you not want to go because you don't want to be around them (which is not what it sounds like), OR do you not want to go because you are ashamed of what happened?

Dee, I don't think you have forgiven yourself, yet. I think that in all this, you still haven't faced that you lost a job you have been on for several years, and your supervisor was that close to retiring; so she was with the company a little longer.

Your future is at stake here. The person you wrote the note for has moved on, and so has your supervisor.

That doesn't mean that you won't and will not take this error and use it as an object lesson for the next great job to come; but there is definitely some unfinished business you have - unresolved in your heart - about what has happened in your life.

What do you think?

2:50 PM  
Blogger Miss Ahmad said...

I'm with Mrs TJ, you might be the blessing that she needs which in turn could be your blessing.

Now this is coming from a hermit who has serious problems with keeping social engagements, but I think in light of unresolved feeling, perhaps this is an opportunity to step into the unknown.

whatever you do is okay, but i feel like we, as black women, sometimes get so accustomed to being strong, we forget that allowing someone to love us is being strong too!

2:52 PM  
Blogger J. G. said...

I'm with P I don't think you have forgiven yourself, I think that since everyone has moved on then you should let it go. Take it has a positive experience lesson learned you know. Life is to short to dwell on the stuff that is the past. Your a good person, a good mother and I think you deserve to forgive yourself.

If it were me I'd go just to show everyone that your doing good and that your getting through just fine!

3:39 PM  
Blogger The Princess Herself said...

hmmmmm Dee...tough call.

When I got the boot from my job, everyone was calling me! After about 3 weeks, some of the girls wanted to meet for lunch, and I went! I appeared to have a good time, but inside, I was dying! I was not ready to hang out with them~I was not working so they paid for my lunch..I felt like a bum! We didnt talk much about work itself, just the drama of all the other people there.
In retrospect, I was fine. It was fine. I have met with them a few times since then and I look forward to it!
It might not be as bad as you think it will, but maybe you should go..just this once..and see how it goes! Good luck baby always, I wish you the best~

5:54 PM  
Blogger Ms. Behavin' said...

Alright Dee, it's time for you to put on your big girl panties and deal with the situation at hand. ;-) I think you will feel better once you have faced it head on. If you don't go to eat with your friends now, inevitably they will ask you again. You will be faced with making the same decision of whether or not to attend that gathering, also. Go ahead and get it out the way. You made a major mistake, but no one died because of it. (Did they?) ;-)
Please go - it may give you the closure that you need.

9:11 AM  
Blogger chele said...

You don't have a problem. You just have to do this in your own time. It's hard to be social in a situation like that. Especially with the whole group. I can understand wanting to spend time with boss lady one-on-one -- that would probably be beneficial for both of you. Regardless, you can't don't anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.

2:05 PM  
Blogger TTD said...

i agree w/ mrs. tj & p... we're all faced w/ choices.. you made one that didn't work out in ur favor.. we all make mistakes.. we just have to learn from them.. not harper on them.. i think u should go.... and i bet as soon as u get there, u'll feel really silly for not considering going in the 1st place

10:01 AM  
Anonymous Reddy said...

Hey Dee...

Don't go if you don't feel totally comfortable with it.. You'll know when it's time.

2:02 PM  
Blogger Kontradiction said...

It's totally normal what you're feeling. For some reason or another, you still prolly have some guilt going on, which is so normal, after all, you and Boss Lady both lost your really great jobs! And having to look her in the eye is hard right now, even though she is okay with everything. I agree with the other posters here..take your time, see Boss Lady privately, let it all out, you need closure.

5:17 PM  
Blogger Aziza said...

Dee, you're not the one with the problem. It's quite normal for you to feel uncomfortable hanging around your former, well-meaning co-workers where you lost your job. It could be a strange feeling to have to explain over and over what happened and convincing people that you're okay. The pain may be just too fresh. Perhaps, after you get a new job and get back up on your feet, you may be okay with meeting up with them.

7:43 AM  
Blogger Brandi said...

I can totally understand. I don't know if I would want to go either! You sure as hell don't want to sit there feeling uncomfortable all night long!

11:44 AM  
Blogger "N" Search of Ecstasy said...

I understand that you feel some sense responsibility for what happened and that is only natural, but please stop beating yourself up over this. Keep in mind that the boss lady has no hard feelings over this, so maybe you can follow her lead. Just like she said God has got a plan for both of you. Everything happens for a reason. Its going to be okay – just believe that. Keep your head up!

5:13 PM  
Blogger Honey-Libra said...

It's natural to feel guilty but if she doesn't blame you I say get over it girl LOL. But nah for real just take your time..but if you aren't ready to deal with seeing them then it might be uncomfortable then again you might be aight after the first hello....

7:52 AM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

I feel you Dee, I'm not too big on seeing any of my ex coworkers either.

8:00 AM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

Y)ou say your boss is gonna be there..well go for her sake then....maybe going will make u feel relieved instead of ashamed...

11:04 AM  
Blogger Rhonda said...

Oh girl I think you should go - they want to see you. I understand you feel bad but these people miss and love you. There feelings for you for some reason and I am sure its a good one - overpower what you did so immensly they just want to be with you. I vote for you to go. I think you will enjoy yourself and feel good afterwards.

1:24 PM  
Blogger The Phoenix aka ThatGirlTam said...

I will keep this short and to the point.


4:07 PM  
Anonymous Xquizzyt1 said...

OMG!!! I haven't been here in a while, so I clearly have catching up to do.

You feel guilty but you shouldn't. The fact that they INVITED you speaks volumes. That little get-together clearly could have gone on without your knowledge, and you would have been none the wiser. So at least take stock in knowing that your attendance was WANTED. =)

I don't know the details, but DAMMIT, I've been hearing about "boss-lady" for so long, I'm SHOCKED!!!! I hope all is well otherwise... *going to catch up*

10:28 AM  
Anonymous Xquizzyt1 said...

Oh and you should go. Mrs. TJ is sooooo on point with her analogy about not feeling like giong to church - how many times have I not felt like it and waited until the very LAST minute to go - and when I get there, not only am I glad I made it, but the sermon was about ME!!! So I personally think you should go, and again I agree with TJ, your absence could be misconstrued as YOU holding a grudge against THEM and that is surely not the case, from what I'm reading.

Awwww... I think you just go, but walk in the door with an excuse you can use if you're uncomfortable after being there a while. Like you have a splitting headache or something... and then you can always say "*gasp* it went AWAY!" If you wind up feeling more at ease as the night progresses.

You probably all need closure. So go!!! =)

10:31 AM  
Blogger Ddot the King said...

Ummm...just go.

8:41 AM  
Blogger BKBajan said...

where the hell are you??
I discovered your blog last week, love it, read the archives and I am caught up and you take a break, what in the hell. . .. git yo azz back to blogging, hope all is well.

8:44 AM  
Anonymous Sheron fka MsThing said...

Hi Dee. I hope you were able to go meet up with the ex co-workers. Please give us an update about the meeting when you have time.

Have a safe and enjoyable Memorial Day holiday.

7:28 AM  
Blogger Kayla said...

Hey, Dee. There's nothing wrong with you. It seems you haven't forgiven yourself for making a mistake. That's all it was.(from what I could tell) You worked with her for years, so you two are very familiar with one another. You may feel like you disappointed her and just can't face her right now? When you're ready to see her, you will. She may want to see you, though.

1:04 PM  
Blogger DivineLavender said...

See I need a Young Buck for real....I will even get me an 18 year old for real. You gave me inspiration. I need someone fresh out of high school and "train" 'em.

Go Gurl!

And keep Big Country too!

Keep 'em all!

9:39 PM  

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